SAINT PETER, MN– Today marked the start of the annual Nobel Conference at Gustavus Adolphus College today, surrounding the theme of Economic Balance. Economists, social scientists, and intellectuals have convened to […]
Nobel Conference 52: In Search of Economic Balance Kicks Off- Look At The Next 10 Years Of Themes!
Animal Sacrifice Cult Emerges within Prairie View
SAINT PETER, MN — Following a slew of squirrel-related disappearances, Campus Safety Director Song Biermacher has officially warned the greater St. Peter community about a fledgling animal cult starting on-campus. “It’s most defs […]
First-Year Declares Himself Honorary Person of Color After Reading “Between the World and Me”
SAINT PETER, MN – After his Monday 11:30 am FTS course on “The Sweds, Yoga, and Race in the US”, first-year Jacob Horton reportedly found the courage to declare himself as an honorary […]
Greek Carnival and National Hazing Prevention Week Alignment “Totally Happenstance”
SAINT PETER, MN – This Monday marks the beginning of National Hazing Prevention Week. During this week many events planned, such as the “Kick Out Hazing” kickball game, are meant to raise […]
New Senior Already Can’t Wait to be a Douche on Gus Bus
SAINT PETER, MN — Another school year is in session, bringing with it a fresh new crop of overzealous, overworked, overconfident rising seniors. Despite the looming fear of adulthood, many seniors opt […]
Becky Bergman Admits to Being Beyoncé’s Becky With the Good Hair
SAINT PETER, MN — Following months of speculation and debate, Gustavus President Rebecca Bergman has admitted to being the “Becky with the good hair” who was prominently referenced in the popular Beyoncé Knowles […]
First Year Male Entirely Imagines Sexual Tension with Girl in His Sociology Class
Saint Peter, MN — Shortly after finishing the first class of his Introduction to Sociology course, a majority of reports indicated that first-year Zach Gilbert had already imagined an unrealistic amount of sexual […]
Summer Residents Ill-Prepared To Experience Fully Populated Campus
SAINT PETER, MN — As athletes begin returning to campus for preseason camps, summer student residents began to recognize a distinct sense of excitement, anticipation and fear brewing in their stomachs. These […]
Aspiring Night-Time Custodian Reckons the Lund Center Could Host a Decent Olympics
SAINT PETER, MN — With just a matter of days leading up to the opening ceremony of the 2016 Olympics in Rio De Janeiro, Brazil, Spud Jacobson, Gustavus’ most committed evening student janitor for […]
Pokemon Go Causes Arb to See Most Action Since 4/20
SAINT PETER — Due to the release of the mega-hit mobile game Pokemon Go, the Linnaeus Arboretum was exposed to the most amount of foot traffic it has seen since April 20th. Typically […]
