SAINT PETER, MN- “It’s all crust! At this point, it’s just entirely crust. What happened to honesty?” said Junior Steve Umber. Umber had been looking forward to eating his recently obtained Uncrustable […]
Uncrustable Sandwich Slowly Hardens Into Very Thing It Promised Not To Be
Honor’s Day Canceled Because Honor Is Dead
St. Peter, MN- Parents, students and faculty alike were in for a shock this past weekend when Gustavus’s annual Honor’s day celebration was canceled at the last minute. The Gustavus administration released […]
Track Team Sends Javelin Throwers to Thin Out Herd of Football Players
SAINT PETER, MN — A prescribed hunt has been declared on campus for the increasing population of football players currently on campus. Javelin throwers on the track and field team have been […]
Game of Thrones: Rebecca Bergman Revealed to be Night King
WINTERFELL, Westeros — Well, GoT, the Battle of Winterfell finally came to us. Can somebody say SHOOKETH?! Of course with all the upsetting deaths and crazy revelations, it’s hard to pick a […]
GAC to Get Its Own GoT Spinoff Titled “Dean of Students”
ST PETER MN- Many nerdy celebrations were held late Sunday Night by Gusties when Game of Thrones Twitter Fan @NemoRocksMySocks leaked a statement stating that George R.R. Martin and other Game of […]
Dragons From Game of Thrones Taking a Break From Acting
SAINT PETER, MN— The season premiere for the final season of Game of Thrones aired on HBO two days ago; after the show’s eight-year run time many fans are wondering what […]
Professor Sends Out “Class Not Cancelled” Email, Is a Huge Tease
SAINT PETER, MN- As an effort to really shit on her students, Professor Jane Hughes in the math department sent out an email today to her students letting them know that class […]
Student Senate Filled With Sexual Tension
SAINT PETER, MN — Spring is in the air, which means new relationships are blooming! It seems that everywhere around campus the spirit of new beginnings has taken hold, and our very […]
Swim Team To Start Outdoor Season In Sidewalk Puddles
SAINT PETER, MN- Good news for GAC swimmers looking to increase their time in the water; the sidewalk puddles all around campus are now reserved from 7:00 to 9:00 every evening for […]
Chamber of Secrets Found Beneath Lund Center – Renovations Halted
SAINT PETER, MN – This just in on the renovation process of the Lund Center: operations have been halted due to a secret chamber, a “chamber of secrets” perhaps, being discovered beneath […]
