SAINT PETER, MN- The Gustavus Peer Assistants have been placed under disciplinary censure after allegedly distributing actual pot brownies instead of regular and clean brownies. Senior PA, Gina Sausage explained: “Every year […]
PA’s Accidentally Give out Real Pot Brownies
Student’s Grandma Passes Away for Third Time This Semester
SAINT PETER, MN- For freshman student Hunter McNeil, tragedy has struck once again. Not for the first, nor the second, but for the THIRD time this semester, his grandma passed away. We […]
Finalist for Provost Position is Just Count Olaf in Disguise
OPINION PIECE, SAINT PETER, MN— There is a wolf in a sheep’s clothing lurking around campus. The phrase “a wolf in sheep’s clothing” does not refer to a wolf that raided the […]
DIII Athletes Pissed About Blizzard As If It Matters
SAINT PETER, MN– After two days straight of heavy blizzard conditions in mid-April, Division III athletes are absolutely livid about how the weather is affecting their seasons. “We have hardly been […]
Trump Wants to Put Tariffs on Vibranium
WASHINGTON D.C.- The biggest takeaway from a press conference held last week was President Trump stated that he plans to put steep tariffs on Vibranium entering the United States. “I have some […]
CFs On Duty Sport New Fanny Packs, Incite Soccer Moms
ST PETER MN- “The CF on Duty was exactly one minute and 43 seconds faster in response time than when I called them last week,” says first-year CHOICE student Hope Charity “and […]
Man Realizes His Life Doesn’t Pass the Bechdel Test
SAINT PETER,MN- Tim Scottsmore had a sudden epiphany this past Monday; his life doesn’t pass the Bechdel Test. The Bechdel test is a simple test of fictional media which names the following three […]
Student Vows Celibacy Until the Completion of Nobel Hall Renovation
SAINT PETER,MN- Sophomore Snick Minnows posted the following statement to the Overheard at Gustavus Facebook page last night. He is now claiming an abstinence from sexual activity until the eagerly awaited completion […]
Campus Buildings Ranked By Sexiness
SAINT PETER, MN- Can you really rank works of architecture that reflect different purposes, time periods, and personalities? Yes. If you’ve ever wondered what the sexiest buildings on campus are, we’ve done […]
10 Ways to Make the Construction Zone Work for You
1-Blame the Fence for Every Late Arrival: What is more annoying than having to create a new excuse for every time you’re late for something. This fence is a blessing in disguise […]
