SAINT PETER, MN — Have you ever gotten food from the Caf that didn’t live up to your expectations? Or gotten a plate filled with steaming, tantalizing chicken tenders, only to have […]
Gustavus Gaslights Students by Claiming to be #3 in State for Dining Services
Whoa! Becky Bergman Solves Racism, Sexism, & Climate Change; Will Homophobia be Next?
ST. PETER, MN – Over the past several years, the Gustavus administration has worked tirelessly to remedy some of the largest societal problems the world experiences. From the creation of countless deliberation […]
Bookmark Reports Drop in Lanyard Sales: First Years “Raw-Dogging” Student IDs Between their Butt Cheeks
SAINT PETER, MN — We’ve all seen it. A poor, unassuming first year, oversized backpack weighing them down, gigantic caf tray in hand and a shining, jangling lanyard tinkling around their little […]
Chapel View Resident Unsatisfied With View of Christ Chapel
Saint Peter, MN — One month after moving into her cushy new Chapel View townhome, Gustavus senior Tasha Young made it known that she was wholly disappointed with her view of Christ […]
Student Sells Soul to Devil for Parking Spot in Plex
SAINT PETER, MN — As more and more students returned to the hill for the fall semester, the familiar issue of parking reappeared. “I got a spot in Co-Ed during the first […]
Doug Minter Discovered Living in the Walls of Campus Center Post-Retirement
SAINT PETER, MN — Everyone’s favorite former Financial Aid Director Doug Minter has been sorely missed since his retirement last spring. Students long for the opportunity to publicly cry in the Campus […]
GTS Pilots Use of Vaccine Microchips to Boost Campus Wi-Fi
SAINT PETER, MN — Since the start of the pandemic and the transition to online course delivery, complaints about campus WiFi speeds have increased exponentially, says Tami Aune, director of Gustavus Technology […]
Rocky Horror Picture Show Viewing Results in Mass Orgy
SAINT PETER, MN — In an attempt to get closer to that normalcy that the campus has been deprived of, the Campus Activities Board hosted the ever-underwhelming annual viewing of The Rocky […]
Resourceful Student Uses Res Hall Vacuum As Makeshift Sand Blaster
SAINT PETER, MN — Professors and students alike were astounded by today’s display of ingenuity from junior Katie Bergstrom, who used the vacuum cleaner on her residential hall floor as a sand […]
Male Student Assures Female Lab Partner Small Microscopes Work the Same as Larger Ones
SAINT PETER, MN — We’re now over a month into the fall semester of school here on the hill, with classes and activities in full swing again. At the Nobel Hall of […]
