CAMPUS NEWS

Portal to the Multiverse Discovered in Basement of Administration Building

BREAKING– Sources have confirmed that a gateway to a reality beyond ours has been found between a cubicle and supply closet in the north side of the Administration basement. This news comes as a surprise to many students, most of whom had no idea what the hell was down there.

Kathleen Marcus, a human resources administrator, reports that her colleague Mary Jensen crossed the cosmological horizon earlier this morning and has not been seen since entering another dimension in which the very fabric of nature is different from our own.

“It really was trippy as balls,” reports Marcus. “When you see your co-worker enter a completely new realm of spacetime, it kind of plays with your brain.”

Custodial staff first made the discovery early this morning. Ron Graft, a daytime custodian, was skeptical about his findings at first. “I mean yeah, I sat in on some of that Nobel 49 universe shit, but I didn’t buy it. But when I opened up the door to Storage closet #2, and looked through the portal, I was able to see the principles of cosmic inflation and spontaneous symmetry breaking right before my eyes. Then I was convinced.”

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