Tour Guide Lies about Party Culture

SAINT PETER—On one of the biggest Admission events of the year, sophomore tour guide Laura McKinley downplayed to a prospective student and her parents the nature of party culture at Gustavus.

McKinley was overheard telling the family from Stillwater that “Gusties don’t really party.” She continued by overplaying the school’s substance-free lifestyle program and telling them that they would probably need the largest meal plan for the Market Place.

When confronted on the issue, McKinley broke down into tears shouting, “I SAID WHAT THEY TOLD ME TO SAY!” She has refused to comment since.

Since the incident, the office of Admission has been in PR turmoil, trying to distance themselves as much as possible from the lying guide while simultaneously trying to make it seem like Gustavus’ nightlife only involves Nick at Nite and Cheetos.

Director of Admission Rich Aune refused to comment on the subject, but in the background on the phone the shredding of papers and the frenzied cries of Admission staff was clearly audible.

Categories: OFF THE HILL