CAMPUS NEWS

Emerging Douchebag Scores Big at Poster Sale

SAINT PETER—With a Bob Marley poster in hand, Sean Joseph came away the biggest winner of the biannual campus-wide poster sale. Joseph spent a total of $80 worth of merchandise, proving that the first-year is undoubtedly one of the fastest rising douchebags on campus.

“Yeah, I got a Marley poster because he gets it, you know,” said the likely baked Joseph. “And check out this poster with all the beer pong formations on it. It’s gonna look hella tight above all the Karkov labels I’ve collected.”

Joseph is on his way to edging out Karl Nelsen, a senior who has held the mantle of biggest douchebag on campus since he tweeted, “this is so gay,” during the E Pluribus Gustavus performance during his first-year orientation.

“You know, I’m just me,” Joseph said, “doin’ what I do. Now I’mma grab some chasers now.”

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Categories: CAMPUS NEWS