CAMPUS NEWS

Gustavus Endowment Hits $150 Million Mark, $149 Million Celebration in Works

SAINT PETER- After years of record-breaking fundraising under the leadership of President Jack R. Ohle, the college has announced the institution’s endowment has hit the $150,000,000 milestone. “This is a big step for the college,” said Ohle in a special press conference on Saturday afternoon. “To hit this threshold is to place ourselves in the same financial league as our academic peers, like those [expletive] in Northfield. It’s a great day to be a Gustie!”

The college’s fiscal prosperity through recession years has been largely attributed to the efforts of President Ohle. His Campaign Gustavus movement, which set out to raise $150,000,000 by 2015, has been lauded by many in higher education as a sterling example of aggressive gift-seeking.

To commemorate this historic milestone, the college has announced a year-long celebration which will include alumni banquets, campus redecorations, and the erection of a plaza dedicated to the Grecian tornado god Aeolus.

President Ohle also announced that the college will be financing a $132,000,000 relocation of the Sveriges Kungahus, the official residence of Sweden’s Royal Family, to the Linnaeus Arboretum. “I can think of no better way to honor our ties to the nation of Sweden than by uprooting the ancestral home of House Bernadotte and moving them to our own backyard. Go Gusties!”

In an unrelated announcement later that day, the college announced that 15 faculty members will be released from the college due to insufficient academic program funds.

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