The extended cold spells and short daylight hours of the Minnesota winter can trigger seasonal depression among already stressed out students. Here are The Fourth Crown’s tips for avoiding this mood disorder:

• Repeatedly send spam email to Community-L alias.

• Spend three hours eating alone at the lunch buffet to ease food cravings.

• Boost your sun exposure and Vitamin D production by forgoing pants on your walk between Nobel and the Caf.

• End restlessness by researching all of your classmates profiles on Moodle and compiling a database of every one of their previous classes.

• Get to know your dorm’s Area Coordinator.

• Become close friends with the light therapy boxes in the Library. Open up to them. Tell them your fears, concerns, aspirations. Don’t be afraid to dream. They can hear you. I know they can.

• Experts agree that reduced energy levels and a dismal sex drive can be cured by The Dive.

• Stay strong for the youth.

• Transfer to a school that’s not in the Arctic Circle.