CAMPUS NEWS

Snow Gods Express Displeasure with Presidential Candidate

PALACE OF RJORNSTITCH, UPON MOUNT AÐALSTEINN—Following two days of open sessions with the prospective presidential search candidate, it has been confirmed that the snow gods of Norse lore are not impressed by the candidate in any way whatsoever. Evidenced by the intense, heavy snowfall on Thursday afternoon coupled with blizzard winds and whiteout conditions, experts have deduced that the gods are pretty pissed off at the candidate. “One would think that the candidate’s refreshing perspective, thoughtful answers, and honesty would have appeased their propensity for retribution,” said Scandinavian historian Donar Markusson. “It appears that is not the case; Skaði and Ullr, revered Norse gods of snow and winter fury, are unleashing their full wrath on the Gustavus campus and surrounding St. Peter. Knowing Ullr’s cheeky persona, this week’s warmer weather leading up to the visit was almost certainly a cruel joke played by the supernatural being.” Following tonight’s dangerous winds and blowing snow, Markusson predicts that the ensuing cold spell could last upwards of either a week or twenty generations of cursed existence. “Ancient Norse texts often do not translate well into English, so we will just have to wait it out and see.”

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