SAINT PETER—The Spanish Department is in disarray following the announcement by Theresa Gonzalez, Director for Cultural Education, that the school’s Spanish program will be replaced by a new curriculum of Klingon. Klingon is the language spoken by a fictional, extraterrestrial, humanoid warrior species in the hit science fiction show Star Trek.

Gonzalez, an avid follower of the series and its knock-offs, stated  that “ever since the Klingons became our allies in Star Trek: The Next Generation, I’ve been advocating for the addition of a Klingon program, but President Ohle has always been more of a Battlestar Galactica guy. As soon as I found out Rebecca Bergman was a Trekkie, I knew we were headed for a bright future. tlhIngan maH!”

Spanish Department Chair Emilia Figarella has expressed disappointment, but understands the move towards the new intergalactic alliance-based curriculum. “As great as Spanish is for ordering drinks and having disjointed conversations with cabbies on spring break, Spanish countries have contributed relatively nothing to our quest for galactic supremacy. Meanwhile, the Klingons were essential to our victory over the Dominion in season 2 of Deep Space Nine. While I wish it was another department getting the boot, the integration of  Klingon language and culture into this school’s core curriculum is long overdue if we hope to maintain our spot on the top of the United Federation of Planets. not yap wa’ Hol!”

Spanish Department Chair Emilia Figarella