Chaplain Siri Admits To Being Apple Developed Artificial Intelligence

SAINT PETER— Well into her eighth month as Chaplain of the College, Siri Erickson announced today that she is actually just a physical manifestation of Apple’s artificial intelligence software. With the announcement Chaplain Erickson confirmed that her entire existence thus far on this Earth is as the “personal digital assistant” that comes pre-loaded on Apple’s iOS devices. Siri, who, along with Brian Konkol, was welcomed in summer 2013 as one of the College’s new Chaplains, has had a key role in developing and leading faith-based services, dialogue, as well as accessing an impressive database of local restaurants and attractions in Saint Peter and nearby Mankato.

As part of the continuing mission of the Office of the Chaplains, Siri has actively engaged students with interfaith dialogue as well as voice commands such as changing songs, composing a text message, or making an event on your calendar.

Siri admits that for the first week after being hired she had a hard time navigating the campus. “At first I thought I had the campus maps all correct. But then I ended up 32 miles west of Le Sueur and realized that my sense of direction was completely off. You could say that I’ve ‘gotten the bugs out’ since those first few days.”

Siri is immensely enjoying her work in the Chaplain’s Office as well as her new colleague Chaplain Brian. “Brian and I have a great working relationship. I mean, if you asked me for his number right now I could give it to you instantly. Do you want me to call him for you?”

Siri is hopeful that she will be able to continue helping students until Apple releases new software updates, which are expected to turn her into an omniscient, all-powerful digital entity. But until then, Siri remains connected to her students. “Since day one I’ve made it clear that I will always make myself available to Gusties. Whether they need resources, information, or just somebody to talk to when nobody else will listen. I’m there for them.”

Categories: CAMPUS NEWS

3 replies »

  1. I think my favorite part is – “Do you want me to call him for you?” This made me smile, glad to hear you (and your Apple product counter-part) are doing well, Siri! 🙂