Sophomores at Four Year Residential College Shocked to Learn Meaning of ‘Four Year Residential College’

SAINT PETER—Following Residential Life’s announcement this week of which students were granted off-campus living permission, rising juniors across campus were quick to express their shock and anger at the College’s residential policy which they apparently never fully understood.  These students, taking to social media to protest their lack of approval for off-campus living, really had not given any serious thought to the term “four year residential college” since they applied to the College over two years ago.

“I thought that ‘four year residential college’ just meant there is, like, dorms on campus and stuff,” said sophomore Carson Peters, whose application to live off-campus was rejected due to the priority given to rising seniors, which is clearly stated in Residential Life’s documentation. “This is complete horseshit. What makes them think they can make me stay in the dorms? Nobody ever told me this. I never really understood the whole ‘Ohle issue’ thing, but now I’m pissed too.”

Noting that the rising senior class is larger than normal, rising juniors are just now beginning to take note that fewer spots off-campus are available for their class and that many of them will have to live on-campus as has been dictated by the definition of the College’s housing policy. Numerous sophomores have just recently discovered the real meaning of “four year residential college” which requires all students to live on campus for their entire college career, unless their exemption is specifically approved.

The College, which maintains a policy that no student is automatically granted off-campus status, has “been keeping us in the dark this whole time,” said current Sophomore Kyle Billings, whose application was also not accepted. “This is MY college experience, I’ve had a couple years in the dorms, so I think its fair to say that I’ve fulfilled the ‘residential’ part of Gustavus, right?” Billings, who applied to live off-campus with two other rising juniors and one rising senior, thought that “Max’s senior status would be all it took to get us off-campus. Could’ve sworn he was our one-way ticket to raging, Campus Safety-free parties.” Without his off-campus approval, Billings remains unsure of his housing plans next year. “I really don’t even know Max. Between you and me I was just using him to get off-campus. No idea how the hell I’m going to ditch him now.”

At press time, Billings was reportedly, “going to go have a talk with ResLife to see if there anything they can do to help us out and maybe give us approval too.” 

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