First-Year Justifies Dryer Sheets, Fans, Open Windows as ‘Nothing Sketch’

SAINT PETER- First-year student Sean Joseph is expressing his outrage via social media at Campus Safety’s request for him to open the door to his room in section 2C of Norelius Hall. “Campus safety singling me out. Stallin em while the fans do work lol. Can’t see the window #SmokdUP #DrierShetsOrDie,” Joseph proclaimed on Twitter just moments after his room was selected for inspection due to the outside air pouring out under the door frame. Joseph, whose room was identified as a potential area of concern by Co-Ed CF Marshawn Dinge, is animatedly decrying the search of his “private property” by Campus Safety, calling the officer corps “a bunch of [expletive] KGB rejects,” in a subsequent tweet.

Dinge, on a round with Campus Safety, noticed the room due to the high number of Bounce Lavender Mist Laundry Sheets tucked into the doorframe and the gentle hum of three fans circulating outside air into Joseph’s room. After five minutes of “cleaning up a bit,” Joseph opened the door enough to make eye contact with Dinge, who asked Joseph if he “had been smoking tonight.” Joseph vehemently denied the assertion, citing his furiously bloodshot eyes as a result of the stress of his introductory philosophy paper.

Campus Safety Officer Vic Pascutti quickly took charge of the situation, entering Joseph’s room and asking Joseph about the three fans blowing the chilled air into the room. Joseph explained his preference to “study in the cold” while shuffling to obscure his “Keep Calm and Hit The Bong” poster hanging above his desk. Pascutti, taking a look around the room, asked Joseph where his room’s smoke detector had gone, prompting Joseph to call Pascutti “a [expletive] narc.”

Joseph was last seen being led to the Campus Safety office in the Norelius hall basement, yelling about his “first amendment rights” and his unwillingness to “put up with [expletive] tyranny.”


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