OFF THE HILL

Junior Thankful Jesus Christ Rose From the Grave; Gives Opportunity to Binge-Watch ‘House’ on Netflix

SAINT PETER— Conveying his utmost gratitude to the Creator for resurrecting his son Jesus Christ, student Damian Jackson revealed today that he plans to spend the entire Easter Break binge-watching “House, M.D.,” on Netflix. The internet video-streaming service just recently announced the release of all eight seasons of the popular medical drama, which stars high profile atheist Hugh Laurie. Jackson, a Junior from Wayzata, knew that he wouldn’t have been able to pull off the impressive feat of laziness had God not chosen to raise Jesus from his earthly tomb on this weekend over two thousand years ago. “I honestly don’t know if it was a do-able task for just a normal weekend. Luckily Jesus Christ was able to get his head back in the game and got me those extra couple days of school off! 8 Seasons here we go! Thanks Jesus!”

It was pretty clutch but God was able to resurrect his son Jesus and allow Jackson a couple extra days to watch 'House, M.D.'

It was pretty clutch but God was able to resurrect his son Jesus and allow Jackson a couple extra days to watch ‘House, M.D.’

Jackson is eternally indebted to Netflix, saying, “I can think of no better way to celebrate the rise of His Son than by watching every single episode of Hugh Laurie’s greatness. I’m pretty much addicted!” Jackson continued, “I love House’s character and the immersive medical details! I’m still kind of toying around with the idea of doing Pre-Med, so its pretty good practice for me! Thank you God for giving me this opportunity to follow my dreams.”

“It’s really nice to know God is looking out for me,” said Jackson. “Next December, we get a couple weeks off to celebrate that time when God sent us his only son and I’ve got a big-ass, drunken brouhaha already planned. Couldn’t have done it without ya Lord.”

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