SPORTS

Tibetan Monks “Put On a Clinic” At Intramural Coed Kickball Game

SAINT PETER—Shortly after their ceremonial destruction of the sand mandala, the visiting Tibetan monks took to the kickball field and promptly routed the number one ranked team. The monks won 18 – 1 over team Blue Balls in just 5 innings.

The previously undefeated team Blue Balls were in a state of complete shock following their loss. Every player refused to comment on their defeat as they were too busy drowning their sorrows in bottles of vodka mixed G2 Gatorade, while their fans jumped ship and joined the monks bandwagon, or “sandwagon” as one sophomore put it after the game.

“These monks are so freaking cool. Not only can they build that sand sculpture of Nelson Mandela, but then they just waltz out here and put on a clinic! Damn. How would I not hop on that bandwagon? Wait… No, Sandwagon,” said sophomore Cody Montgomery.

The game quickly drew an impressive crowd as word spread around campus that the monks opened the game up with four consecutive home runs. As students flocked to the field vendors, ticket sales and crowd control personnel also established position around the game. The game is estimated to have raised over $5,000, which will likely go to an unbuilt memorial of president Ohle’s dog.

Despite the excitement around the monk’s impressive victory, intramural organizer Jack Peterson had to remind fans that the monks are not actually part of the league. “Look the win was awesome, but they didn’t follow the protocol that is so clearly set up on our webpage. They didn’t even have a full team, they just came in with four guys and somehow scored 18 runs. On top of that they also didn’t have a girl on the team, and thus were not coed. This will have to be qualified as an exhibition match.”

The monks were very polite about their victory, refusing to celebrate on the field or give any post game comments to the press. Instead they were very complimentary to junior Max Carter, the one player who scored for team Blue Balls. Sources close to Carter revealed that carter was the only player on the team that did not take part in the the vodka G2 festival after the game, and that he was seemingly very at peace. Carter was last seen buying a plane ticket to Tibet.

 

Advertisements

Categories: SPORTS