SAINT PETER—Despite making his debut on campus a year and a half ago, beloved Gustavus mascot Gus the Lion will hang up his fur and spray tanned head for the last time at the end of the school year, as the school has announced that a real lion will soon take over the role.
Kent, a 4-year-old male lion from Namibia, will first appear at the football team’s home opener in the fall of 2014. “The 585 pound cat will take it’s position with utmost seriousness and passion,” says recently hired lion tamer Zayne Philips-VanderWell. “Kent is a professional. You can always count on him to cheer kids up, or scare the hell out of some Saint Thomas students.”
The administration looks upon this hiring with great pride. “After hiring a troll to guard the walkway, I was convinced that we no longer need to be so close minded towards hiring outside our own species , so I figured it was best hire an animal for a position that pretends to be an animal,” stated marketing director Val Peterson. “This is a big diversity hire.”
Categories: CAMPUS NEWS