CAMPUS NEWS

Jack Talks: A Villain Removes His Mask

Hello Gustavus,

I sure do love all the ole’ cinematic classics. Recently, I have been watching a lot of James Bond, and I just love when the villainous mastermind of the whole operation tells the captive 007 his plan for world domination.

And that is what I am doing today.

Gusties, I am disappointed in you. I really expected more. In my six years as President of Gustavus Adolphus College, I received my fair share of criticisms from you. I kept making decisions with which you did not agree, and so you kept coming back with meager protests and Senate declarations. You questioned my leadership, and you asked how I even became president of this college.

By the way, I’ve also been watching a lot of Sesame Street lately, and this open declaration is brought to you by the letter “H.”

Yes, “H.” The lone letter that separates my last name from the name of Gustavus’s most hated rival, the Oles. Is it starting to sink in yet? If it hasn’t, allow me to spell this out for you. I, Jack Ohle, am a saboteur of diabolical proportions, brought from the depths of Northfield, Minnesota to bring this institution to its knees at the feet of your Norwegian overlords.

Every damnable decision I’ve made, every stammering speech I’ve spoken, every mindless move I’ve made over the past six years has been done with the interests of St. Olaf College. And now I leave you, laughing hysterically away from the eternal fires I have lit.

Good luck getting a job, seniors…

President Jack Ohle

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FRAM! FRAM! KRISTMENN, KROSSMENN!

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