CAMPUS NEWS

President Bergman’s Leadership Leaves Campus With Nothing to Complain About

SAINT PETER—In her first two months as the 17th President of Gustavus Adolphus College, Rebecca M. Bergman has failed to incite any form of resistance or insurrection from the college community. Bergman’s empathetic and collaborative leadership has been labeled as “selfish and unprofessional” by many campus critics, whose lives have been rendered largely meaningless without administrational crises to complain about.

Senior student Jake Rammstein claims his social life has been devastated by President Bergman’s kind and patient methods of communication. “My first three years at Gustavus, I worked hard to make sure people knew who I was.” Rammstein’s strategy to attain this status was by frequently posting on online campus forums, such as the Overheard at Gustavus page. “Now, I have nothing to post except jabs at Student Senate for wasting away the college’s money on nonsense such as goods, and services.”

Rammstein continued, “My friends and I used to sit around for hours and just, you know, complain together. That is what this college community was built around. Bergman’s reign has ruined us.”

Faculty Senate Chair Matt Halfburn has voiced his disdain for the current atmosphere of underagitation in a pubilc letter to the President, which begins, “A core component of the Gustavus Liberal Arts education is listening to professors voice their concerns with the administration. Our new President has robbed us of this important educational opportunity, and is thereby forcing our students to focus on issues peripheral to the Gustavus experience, such as their coursework and campus involvements.”

Since Bergman’s term began on July 1, 2014, she has worked diligently to form meaningful relationships with students and faculty, while openly communicating about her plans and hopes for the college. This strategy of leadership has devastated many of the college community’s most beloved pastimes, including rambly Facebook statuses, anonymous letters to the Board of Trustees, and making up things from the college’s constitution.

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