OFF THE HILL

Politicians Begin Filming Speeches With Elevator Cameras to Capture Nation’s Attention

WASHINGTON, D.C.— Following the media frenzy regarding Ray Rice’s domestic abuse scandal, U.S. senators and representatives are hurriedly turning to elevator cameras to address their constituents, because apparently that’s what people pay attention to now. The politicians, who are fighting a losing battle to remain visible, say that grainy elevator camera footage should do the trick and help bolster connection with citizens, because people are really eating that shit up.

“I’ve found that it helps my credibility,” said Senator Lindsey Graham (R-SC). “Before, constituents had no real information to go off of. They had to rely on word of mouth and the several well documented reports about my domestic energy policy. Now, thanks to the advances in shitty video recording inside elevators, people have no problem believing it!”

Graham’s PR team has abandoned all social media, and the Republican senator has cancelled all future television and radio appearances in order to devote all time and effort to marketing via elevator camera, the only remaining visual medium that American citizens absorb information from.

Graham and his team were last seen entering a Charleston Holiday Inn Express to record a video calling for Obamacare’s repeal. All citizens within the hotel were unsure of what was happening until they later saw the hotel elevator footage.

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