LIFE & STYLE
10 Uses for ‘The Gustavian Weekly’
One of the oldest questions Gusties have asked themselves is what on earth to do with all the copies of The Gustavian Weekly scattered around campus. This dilemma has been particularly challenging this week, after The Weekly described The Fourth Crown as “selling out” for contributing a bimonthly print page to this decrepit relic of print media. We have compiled this list of ten possible uses for ‘The Weakly’ so that you, the reader, can make the most out of these ragged, inky testaments to the dying industry of print media!
Did you know ‘The Weekly’ is widely regarded as Gustavus’ #2 News Source?
Seasonal allergies got you sniffling? No fear, ‘The Weekly’ is here!
If it can’t be used to kindle your knowledge of real and factual campus news, ‘The Gustavian Weekly’ can at least be used to kindle a crackling fire!
Is that a fall chill in the air? Bundle up with ‘The Gustavian Weekly!’
Make sure your dirty dishes are up to date on all things Gustavus by washin’ with ‘The Weekly!’
Worried about dirtying your precious garbage bags with all that trash? Line your receptacles with a few ‘Weeklys’ and avoid the ew!
Need a sock with the stickiness of wool, and the flimsiness of cheap cotton? Fashion yourself a pair of ‘Weekly’ footwraps!
Ever wonder why the campus squirrel population is so vibrant? Free food! Each week’s thousands of unread ‘Weekly’ copies provide nourishment for hundreds of our furry friends.
Stepping out of the shower? Keep your floors dry with
‘The Gustavian Weekly!’
Working to improve your proofreading skills? Combing through ‘The Weekly’ with even a half-toothed comb will give you plenty of opportunity to use that red pen of yours!