President Bergman: ‘I Only Have to be Cool and Tolerated for 1 More Week’

SAINT PETER— Approaching the end of her third month’s tenure as 17th President of Gustavus Adolphus College, Rebecca Bergman stated Friday that she is overwhelmingly glad that she “only has to be cool and tolerated by the college community for 1 more week.”

Bergman, who is set to be officially inaugurated on Friday, October 3rd, is eagerly awaiting the moment when she can stop worrying about being almost universally well-liked. “It gets to be pretty taxing, this whole ‘being liked as a President’ thing. Maybe some days I just want to let my hair down and do something needlessly controversial. And by this time next Friday everyone’s fate will be sealed!”

The new President is understandably surprised by the College’s near-unanimous approval of her presidency thus-far. “After the last administration, I was almost certain this community would approach a new president with some skepticism and more than a little pushback. I’ve been astonished by the complete lack of any of that,” says Bergman. The campus has been completely absent of any complaints of Bergman’s leadership since she assumed office in July. Bergman confirmed that “after this last week is up, I’ll be able to get away with pretty much anything.”

At press time, Bergman was overheard commenting that “their doomsday is fast approaching” and how “there will be nothing they can do to stop me after October 3rd.”


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