CAMPUS NEWS

Wintry Weather Finally Gives Minnesotans Something to Talk About

MINNESOTA— With several inches of early snowfall blanketing much of the state, the awkward silence of the summer and fall months has finally been broken by Minnesotans possessing a readily available and entirely uncontroversial topic of conversation.

A study published in Mpls. St. Paul (MSP) Magazine estimated over 7.4 million conversations strictly about the weather have been held in Minnesota over the past two days, granting the state an “immense relief” from navigating items of substantial controversy. Such controversial topics include politics, sports, and dinner recommendations.

In a recent analysis of the state’s culture, Gustavus Adolphus College professor of sociology Dr. Dominic Thurlington described the state’s wintry climate as “the icy shield protecting the detached pleasantry of ‘Minnesota Nice.’ Prior to this bout of frigidity, the state was hazarding perilous exposure to volatile issues, such as the repercussions of last week’s midterm elections, or asking what the state’s daughters plan to do after graduating high school. This ‘polar vortex’ has saved the state as we know it, by assuring any and all human interaction can be essentially prevented by a simple exchange of comments on the weather.”

When reached for comment about how the recent snowfall has suppressed political conversation in the state, particularly in regards to his recent reelection in the midst of rumors of personal health issues, the office of Governor Mark Dayton responded satisfactorily with the caption “Whoa!” written underneath a picture of a snowy Minneapolis street corner.

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