CAMPUS NEWS

Hallmark Releases Line of “I Don’t Love You, but I Love Hooking Up With You” Cards

V Day

“Not sure what to get the man that sleeps in your bed every Friday and leaves before you wake up? Or the girl whose last name you’re just not entirely sure of? Well, open up your wallets, because Valentine’s Day isn’t just for the starry eyed couples anymore, and you can bet that there’s a Hallmark card that perfectly fits your unconventional, uncommitted relationship.” -Hallmark Promotional

SAINT PETER— With Valentine’s Day in full bloom, Hallmark marketing professionals are celebrating the success of a new way to capitalize on this day of excessive materialism, expensive lingerie, and overpriced chocolate. Though Valentine’s Day has emptied the pockets of committed men for years, Hallmark offers an alternative option for the man who isn’t quite ready for serious dedication.

Hallmark’s latest line of cards, Lowkey Lovers Need Love has already made its way into the hearts and homes of the individuals in relationships categorized as “less than traditional.”  The new Hallmark series consists of top of the line cards with passionate inscriptions like, “Happy Valentine’s Day to the girl who’s temporarily replacing my ex!”, “I’ll never make you my girlfriend, but I need to get laid!” and “We’re both single and desperate, so why not?”

Women, too, can purchase their own cards with heartfelt messages reading, “I hate that you can’t commit but I’m too desperate to leave!” and “I know I could do better but I’m scared of being alone!” These cards are projected to serve as the perfect addition to the drunken, desperate and downright depressing date of February 14.

This Valentine’s Day, and every Valentine’s Day, don’t forget to remind that not so special someone of their mediocre importance in your life.

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