SAINT PETER— After waiting for several months, first-year History Major and Law School hopeful Jackie Reynolds is “stoked” to celebrate case day with her fellow classmates. According to reports Reynolds has been voicing her excitement about the event to her friends in the cafe, completely unaware that case day has little to do with law outside of underage students breaking it.
“I can’t wait to have a meaningful discourse on a few of our favorite cases from American history,” said Reynolds, who believes that the entire campus will be engaging in a celebration of landmark cases throughout the day. “I really appreciate Gustavus for hosting and promoting such a smart, healthy event. They even sell T-Shirts! I got extra for my parents and little sister.”
When asked what kind of case she would get for case day Reynolds responded, “Oh there are so many to chose from. Plessy vs. Ferg is a classic, but I think Erin Brockovich’s case against Pacific Gas and Electric is a sterling example of modern …. [20 minutes of incoherent law rambling]… So, I’ll probably go with that one.”
“This is getting out of hand,” said first year Ashlee Mork. “All Jackie has been talking about for the whole month is how excited she is first Case Day. I’ve watched her tell a couple of her professors how she ‘can’t wait to dive into it headfirst.’”
A few of Reynolds’ professors have been taken aback by the seemingly innocent girl’s drinking habits. “That girl doesn’t care what I think about her at all,” said History of Law professor Michael Finch. “Most people try and hide their vices from those in authority positions, but this girl is just on a whole different level. She told me everything, and she is down right proud and excited to drink this much. She even asked me if she would see me around on case day. How do I even take that? Was she hitting on me?”
Reynolds continued to declare her excitement for the unofficial campus event throughout the week, even coordinating tabling efforts outside the caf to help spread awareness. “I just want to get everyone as turned up as I am about the big day,” said Reynolds.
Categories: CAMPUS NEWS