Despite the cloud of negativity surrounding the college’s Case Day tradition, celebration of the holiday does grant several amazing opportunities upon its participants. The Fourth Crown has assembled a few of our favorites, making sure to highlight the positive experiences you can have on this magnificent day!
- Time Travel
Physicists tell the world that there is no such thing as “time travel,” but physicists also hate fun, so we know that they can not be credible. One of Case Day’s most participated in traditions is a trip through space-time itself. After the alcohol content of your beer finds its way into your bloodstream, it changes the entire molecular composition permitting you to travel to 12:53 pm on Sunday morning in an instant. Remarkably, you will find that you have accomplished many tasks in the meantime. Because you probably do not know how to handle your time travel abilities, use this handy guide of Case Day traditions so that your space-time invariant self will know exactly what to do in its enhanced state.
- Deep Stomach Cleansing
It’s all the rage right now; system cleanses. However, these full cleanses take up to two weeks, and busy college students do not have time to wait that long. Instead, ingest 288 ounces of beer and watch those two weeks unravel in the span of one panic filled trip that takes you halfway to the bathroom, and ends on your hands and knees in front of your roommate’s girlfriend. Truly, this is a small price to pay for the full body cleanse you will experience, and then feel the residual effects of for somewhere between 12-48 hours after you wake-up.
BONUS: There is a decent chance that you will also get the fantastic opportunity to clean up after your deep stomach cleanse, so this will be a fantastic time to brush up on your Pine-Sol skills.
- Super Fun Stair Dance Time
A true Case Day is not complete until you have participated in this stupendous activity involving a touch of grace, a touch of finesse, and a touch on all 16 stairs leading up to your room on the second floor of North Hall. Super Fun Stair Dance Time involves really committing hard to both the dance and the floor itself. Attempt this activity only after consuming at least half of your case–and do not be surprised if you wake up with a touch of soreness and a minor concussion!
- Catching Up With the Ex
One of the most colorful Case Day traditions is reconnecting with your ex who you haven’t talked to since you got a bit carried away at that homecoming party last fall. Case Day is all about embracing controversy, and that’s exactly what you’ll do when you text your spurned bae at 2:00 in the afternoon inquiring re: intercourse.
- Impromptu Acting Lessons
Time to break out your inner Leonardo DiCaprio. When Campus Safety stops you between the Caf and your dorm room, it will be time for a quick session of improv act/react exercises! If you have never taken acting lessons, you will gain a new appreciation for people like Liam Neeson. Break out your inner monologue, and tell the safety officers all about your home life, and about how you really can’t afford a minor infraction, because, “like my parents will kick me out if they figure out I’m drinking underage!”
- Motor Control Practice
Did you know that professional jugglers spend hours a day fine tuning their reflexes and fine motor control? You know who else does that? Babies! Fortunately, if you aren’t either of these things, you still get a chance to focus hard on your own motor control on Case Day! Stare hard at your keys. You know where they go. You think you know which one is yours. The question is, can you get them without 1.) knocking over your 17th beer or 2.) knocking them onto the ground. In no time, you’ll be juggling balls as well as you juggle the disapproving looks of your family and crushing sense of defeat brought on by the fact that you spent an entire Saturday doing nothing but trying to drink 24 cans beer.