SAINT PETER— With the spring semester in full swing, Gusties who elected to take standardized tests over J-term have begun receiving their results. The Medical College Admission Test (MCAT) is one such test that appraises the culmination of years of rigorous scientific coursework, undergraduate research knowledge, and sheer preparatory labor.

Senior Biology and Biochemistry & Molecular Biology double major Grant Hemlock received his scores this week after a grand total of 8,300 hours of studying. “Yeah, maybe I dedicated my life to this for the past twenty one years. I had some MCAT study cards in my crib, on my coloring desk, on my tricycle. So I was super prepared.”

Hemlock made MCAT prep his top January priority, putting in 10 to 16 hours of studying a day,  in the hopes of getting a 45, a perfect score. “‘If you ain’t first, you’re last,’” Hemlock says. With a passion for medicine and red hot speed, Hemlock compared the MCAT to “just another one of those rubber burning races at the Daytona speedway. Or something else involving a bunch of cars doing something dramatic. But, like, it’s fine.”

When asked for comment on his scores, Hemlock responded, “Scores? Oh, those. Yeah, it’s like, fine.” Clarifying questions on his results prompted the repeated refrain of, “but, like, it’s fine.” When asked if the test results have prompted any changes to his future plans, Hemlock added, “Probably, but, like, it’s fine.”

“Yeah, you know I did always want to work for Target. Do you think I still have time to get an internship?” Hemlock “I may not be a doctor, but, like it’s fine. I mean who really wants to be around sick people all day?”

Hemlock’s parents were unavailable for comment on their son’s score, both to news media and Hemlock himself. “When I told my parents my score, they cut off my checking account, but, like, it’s fine.”