Women Given Full Rights for a Day in Honor of International Women’s Day

WORLDWIDE—In recognition of women’s significant contributions to world history, millions across the globe recognize today as International Women’s Day. Women are particularly excited for this year’s IWD after President Obama announced a nationwide “Take a Woman to Work Day”, a program in which women are given full rights for a day to experience life in the world of power, strength, and respect.

In honor of this historic day, several prominent Fortune 500 companies have opened their boardrooms up to allow women to take part in discussions centered around content and intelligence with little regard to sex, gender, or masculine behavior.

Women will also receive a free pass on IWD to say “No” to any man requesting her body, conversation, or attention without harassment or condescension. “I’m pretty excited to go to a bar and not get called a ‘stuck-up *****’ when I refuse to accept another shot,” commented an eager participant in the Take a Woman to Work program.

IWD also offers women the chance to “I just can’t believe I’ll be getting paid $0.24 more per hour I work today. The government is really taking their generosity to another level,” stated Alise Rodgers, M.D., PhD.

Further acts of graciousness include the allowance of pants, sitting in the driver’s seat, and approaching a man in romantic conversation first. Legislators proposed a temporary ban on catcalling in the streets, but reconsidered after analysts revealed that a woman’s confidence actually increases when she is whistled at like a dog.

While the majority of men support giving women one day a year of respect and equality, many critics have already voiced their dislike of this latest presidential policy. Conservative television commentator Robert Daniels remarked, “I just don’t get how women are oppressed. It’s not like they can’t vote.” Despite these negative reviews, President Obama is hopeful about this latest step towards a full day of gender equality.

Categories: OFF THE HILL