Americans Prepare for 18 Months of Political Social Media Updates

UNITED STATES— As politicians continue to announce their intentions to run for President this week, the citizens of the United States have begun to prepare themselves for an 18-month span of politics in the form of Facebook statuses, Reddit threads, and Twitter updates.

Following Hillary Rodham Clinton and Marco Rubio’s announcements of candidacy this week, social media has begun the process of becoming a political forum, regardless of whether or not anyone wants to hear about it. As Tuesday, November 8th 2016 approaches, internet users can expect the entirety of their feeds to be arteries clogged with the process of democracy. With the upcoming election having no incumbent, political scientists are predicting an even higher number of ‘like this if you’re voting!!!!1’ statuses this cycle.

“When the Greeks invented democracy, this sort of open forum is what they would have wanted.” said Political Science major Rae Jones, an avid poster of political tweets. “They also didn’t allow 90 percent of their society to participate in said democracy, but you know. Semantics.”

As for the rest of the population, governmental debates are less than welcomed on their social media sites. “Despite even the most determined efforts to block out political information, it seems that it will be impossible for the world’s internet users to avoid discussion on the United State’s next universal scapegoat,” said political media analyst Karrin Marks.

Even the energetic, youthful demographic of voters age 18-24 are weary of this digital debate. “I hate it when people start talking about politics online. It ruins the surprise on election day! When it’s face-to-face, I can plug my ears and say ‘lalalalala I’m not listening’, but you just can’t do that on Facebook.” complained Joey Adler, a first-year student.

Categories: OFF THE HILL