Students Unsure if Arrival of “Board,” “Chair,” “Panels” Refers to College Leadership or Woodworking Project

SAINT PETER— After receiving several emails announcing their arrival, the student body remains unclear if the current visits from “The Board,” “Board Chair,” and various “Panels” refer to a meeting of college leadership or a campuswide woodworking initiative.

Comments from Junior Communication Studies Major Alex Sveren accurately capture the student body’s confusion. “I thought I had a good handle on what was going on when my Advisor mentioned an upcoming visit from the Board Chair, which originally sounded like it was a person. But then he kept referring to the Chair as ‘Hicks,’ which makes me think this weekend is some sort of rustic, country-style furniture workshop.”

The Gustavus Greens were first to announce their eagerness for more information surrounding the Board’s presence, citing a lack of transparency on the sourcing of hardwood lumber on campus. “We are completely against this project, whatever it may include,” said Greens Co-President Vanessa Joanswick. “I don’t care if the Board includes putting down a solid cherry floor in the Hollingsworth VIP box or another outdoor helix made of black maple. We would like to know of what this ‘Board’ consists and from where these ‘panels’ came.”

Student Senate issued a resolution attempting to clarify the presence of the Board, Chair, and various panels on campus. The resolution unequivocally declares, “RESOLVED, that the Board, Chair, and various Panels are on campus to help reinforce old structures and build new ones, and that this firm, but yielding support is absolutely vital to maintaining the college’s comfortable future.”

Categories: CAMPUS NEWS