Senior Tinder Use Skyrockets In Days Leading Up To Graduation

SAINT PETER— With graduation twelve days away, the class of 2015 has begun drastically increasing their Tinder swipes in hopes of finding a spouse before they are pushed down the hill and stagger into the rest of their lives.  This impending reality has instilled the fears of spinsterhood and bacheloritis in much of the class.

 “It’s just like, everyone is getting a job or getting engaged to their high school boyfriends, I’m just like, waiting for my ring by spring, you know?,” explained senior Biology major and avid swiper, Samantha Wells.

Coined at Bethel University in the late 80’s when the college began allowing women into the university as family and consumer science majors, the phrase “ring by spring” has reached across the nation as four-year goal for college men and women alike.  The intention behind the idea is to inspire the younger generations to settle down into a life of matrimonial bliss before they are left to seek spouses in less than ideal situations, such as mutual friends or the internet.  The Gustavus campus is no exception to this idea, as it would appear by the 68% increase in senior class Tinder users within the last two months.

Not only has the usage increased, but the profiles of existing Tinder users within the St. Peter area have been drastically altered from their usual hook-up appeal.  Taglines such as, “Just a bro who loves cuddling, monogamy, cooking breakfast, and meeting parents,” and “A flexible former gymnast, who isn’t afraid to settle down if the right match comes along,” have surfaced among the profiles.  Wells was able to sum up the emotional state of the class accurately with her closing statement of, “If the Duggars can get married without even kissing their spouses beforehand, I can still get a fiancé before graduating college.”

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