CAMPUS NEWS

CAB Attempts To Mix Up Midnight Express With Real Locomotive; Hundreds Feared Dead

SAINT PETER—In an attempt to add a new element to the biannual “Midnight Express” finals relief event, the Campus Activities Board rented out a full-sized steam locomotive to appear when the doors opened. The train, dubbed “The Midnight Express Express,” quickly made an undeniable impact on those waiting to access the event’s free food and drinks. Some logistical details were overlooked, however, resulting in a 330,000-pound, 12-car steam engine train barreling into the campus center at 120 miles per hour. This blunder has compounded with the hundreds of personal train wrecks currently being suffered by the student body in the buildup to final examinations.

The train, which was emblazoned with the CAB logo for promotional purposes, cost $9,500,000 for a 48-hour rental, entirely funded by the student activity fee. CAB President Jane Lafayette described this price as “a total bargain” when compared with the sticker price of a similar $26,000,000 vintage vehicle. “Renting the train just made good fiscal sense, and was a huge hit with the student body,” explained Lafeyette. “We thought the locomotor theme fit well with the traditional snack buffet and jazz ensembles, and would really allow our group to take our events down an exciting new track.”

Despite some fallout from the train’s arrival, CAB has deemed the addition successful, and hopes to make it a traditional part of the popular event.

Midnight Express With Body

A photograph taken shortly after the arrival of the Midnight Express Express.

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Categories: CAMPUS NEWS