OFF THE HILL

Confused Stoner Joins Picket For ‘Real Grass’ at Women’s World Cup

BRITISH COLUMBIA, CANADA— Proudly declaring that it was about time that the tournament got “the good bud rolling,” confused stoner Sean Joseph was overseen picketing the start of the FIFA 2015 Women’s World Cup games. Joseph, 23, an outspoken advocate of marijuana legalization, was among the last protesters to reach the stadium today, and was reported to have awakened at 1pm after a wild night of “hitting the gangsta gumbo.”

Despite the late start, Joseph felt a personal calling to join the protesters, saying that he would always be willing to “stand up for the real grass, baby! Let’s roll ‘em up right!” The tournament’s choice of artificial turf for the fields was lost on Joseph, who spent most of the protest locked inside a small portable toilet. Stumbling out of the toilet, Joseph remarked to reporters, “Yeah they gotta get some of that good stuff. They just totally freakin’ deserve it.”

“These ladies are playing some killer ball, and they deserve the killer herb #RealGrass #Justice,” wrote Joseph on Twitter. The artificial turf, which has been attacked for contributing to player injuries, was also roundly criticized by Joseph. “You don’t gotta tell me twice, garbage hash will shit on you,” said Joseph. “One time I bought a cheap ounce of ditch weed from Numba One Wheezy, never buying from him again. I got torn up, and these ladies deserve better.”

Joseph was last seen by reporters carrying a large poster demanding a Taco Bell on the World Cup premises so that “I can get my FourthMeal at 3am after I’m done ripping the Bubble kush.”

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