Decision to Remove Confederate Flag Swiftly Reached After 150 Years

CHARLESTON— Proudly announcing that “the time for action is upon us,” South Carolina declared today that the Confederate flag would no longer be flown outside the Capitol. The decision, which came after over 150 years of waiting, was praised by legislators for its speed and punctuality.

“Things are moving really quickly now,” said state representative Clarissa McDermont. “We’ve had a century and a half to get this done, but just haven’t been able to find the time.” Despite not having time in the schedule since the close of the Civil War, South Carolina politicians quickly reached the decision to remove the flag from the State Capitol on Monday afternoon. “Really feels good to finally get around to that one and get it checked off the list,” added McDermont.

“I couldn’t be more proud of our state today,” said Governor Nikki Haley. “We saw a problem that has existed for 150 years, and just now got around to fixing it. Our response was swift and has been awaited by over six generations, some of whom are still living.”

“I woke up this morning not even knowing that was going to be on the docket for today,” said state senator Charlie Sykes. “Gotta give props to Governor Haley for all her efforts. I didn’t think we would be able to get it done in one day. This really came out of nowhere.” Speaking to reporters after the governor’s press conference, Senator Sykes added, “Well, we got this whole ‘race thing’ under wraps by 5pm. It sure is nice to know we can finally live in a peaceful, perfect society. Problems solved.”

Categories: CAMPUS NEWS