Anonymous Donor Gives Smallest Gift in School History

SAINT PETER— The college announced Friday morning that an anonymous donor left the smallest gift in school history in the form of a nickel left on the basement floor of the Edgar M. Carlson Administration Building. The record-setting donation came just a few days after the announcement of a similarly stunning $25,000,000 donation from the hacktivist group Anonymous.

In her official statement, President Rebecca Bergman cited the gift as “an inspiring reminder that everyone is capable of giving, no matter how small.” Bergman thanked the “humble heroism” of the anonymous donor.

Near the donation was a sticky note that simply read, “Nobel Hall”. It is uncertain whether this was a lost reminder of someone’s appointment in the hall of science or a request as to how the donor’s funds were meant to be used. Regardless, Gustavus Adolphus has determined that the contribution of a nickel to the science building will be allocated for the cost of at least 3 paper towels in the newly renovated bathrooms, or several hundred rolls of the college’s famous single-ply toilet paper.

Paired with the week’s earlier donation, the Nobel Hall of Science Renovation Fund is now estimated to be at $25,000,000.05.

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