Dad Hopeful Sweat From Moving Futon Masks Tears

PETER, MN— Hoping that the perspiration covering his face will hide his true emotional state, Steven Forthrite, father of first-year student Erika Forthrite, has officially finished moving his daughter into Norelius Hall.

Outside of his daughter’s room, Steve mopped his face with his bucket hat, “Well, it certainly was a difficult task,” he says, quickly clarifying, “The whole moving-the-futon-in process. Not that I’m leaving my daughter behind.” Forthrite later added, “No, she’s ready for the world,” while burying his face in his sleeve.

Erika told reporters that even though the hot and humid weather made moving everything difficult, her father seemed to be perspiring even more than usual. “Yeah, my dad pretty much moved everything. I hardly saw him the entire move-in day, and now he’s just walking around, dripping sweat on everything. He like, never sweats, but today I swear he’s a faucet.”

“Steve is such a hardworking man,” Erika’s mother, Caroline, said, “When we stood up to say goodbye to Erika, he sprinted out of the room so that he could check to see if we forgot anything, and pull the car up to the curb, so that it would be cold when we got back in.”