Bergman: “We’re really, for sure, totally going to renovate Anderson this time. Pinky swear.”

Administrators are pleased to announce that this time, the promises of renovating Anderson Hall from a drafty abandoned debacle to a hip and shiny hangout will really take place. 

“We are thrilled that our innovative budget raising methods of adding “tax” to each purchase in the caf has allowed us to finally pursue this project,” said President Rebecca Bergman.

The initiative is raising money as it goes, working little by little to complete what critics have dubbed, “The Maybe Even Better than Beck Building.”

“So far, all we’ve been able to do is push some dirt around and take joyrides in Bobcats while listening to some classic CCR. We’re looking into hiring a locksmith to get into the building because someone lost the key a while ago and we’re still working to figure that one out. We might make a moat in the meantime,” Chuck Nortson, head of Construct This Construction said.

Junior Clark Derby, a tour guide for prospective students, is looking forward to the new changes. “It will be nice to actually have something to say about Anderson. When prospies ask about it, I usually act confused and tell them I don’t see a building there at all. That shuts ’em up right away.”

Despite difficulty, Bergman seems optimistic about Anderson’s chances this time. “So yes, we did just get a ton of money to renovate Nobel, but hey, we haven’t forgotten about ole Andy. We are making slow progress to help future generations. And by that, I mean, it probably, might be finished by the time future generations enroll at Gustavus.”

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