CAMPUS NEWS

Student Hopes Wall Grinding Still Permitted at Friday Night Dive Bingo

SAINT PETER— Expressing his hope that he will still be able to rub his ass against the smooth tiled walls, Sophomore David Grunfeld told reporters Thursday that he is hopeful that wall grinding will still be permitted at Friday night’s Dive Bingo Night. Grunfeld has anxiously been awaiting the start of Gusties After Dark programming for an opportunity to drunkenly rub his denim-clad buttcheeks on every vertical surface of the Dive.

“I can’t wait to get down and dirty with it tonight,” commented Grunfeld, who reportedly prepares for his Friday night activities by downing five or six shots of Jose Cuervo and bellowing the lyrics to a variety of Jim Jones songs. “Everybody’s gonna to be trying to score that bingo shit, and Mr. Grunfeld is gonna be scoring with that booty.”

The Campus Activities Office change to fewer Dive dances and a greater variety of activities has been met by skepticism by some students, but Grunfeld remains optimistic. “The Grundge is gonna be bumping the rump and riding the junk,” he added. “It won’t be Bingo night without some banging Diplo and plenty of friction.”

Latest findings indicate that Grunfeld may or may not be wearing a shirt by the end of round 3 of bingo following his comments that “it’s gonna get really hot and sweaty in there.”

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Categories: CAMPUS NEWS