CAMPUS NEWS

College View Bubblebath Fundamentally Changes Friendship

SAINT PETER — After living together in Complex their sophomore year and deciding to room together again in College View, juniors Thomas King and Eric Jones have reached a turning point in their relationship following King’s interruption of a candle lit, lilac-scented bubble bath taken by Mr. Jones.

Sources close to the duo acknowledge that things really haven’t been the same since the incident. “The chemistry used to be palpable. They were alarmingly close, but now there’s a…distance in the air.” said their tearful third roommate, Dandy Greyson.  

“It was a long day to say the least. I spilt coffee on my favorite pair of jeans, but didn’t even get the chance to change before I had to rush out the door to get the kids to daycare. No one acknowledged my haircut at work, so I know it’s bad and I just…I needed to relax. Then I remembered I had recently purchased a new bottle of lilac blossom from B and B works. I grabbed my Jane Austen novel, lit some candles, and sunk into a warm bath. I was interrupted by Thomas and when he, too, didn’t acknowledge my haircut, I broke down,” explained Jones.

“I just walked in there and it smelled like my grandma’s kitchen. I was just trying to pee, and I looked over and he was just there bubble bathing, with the curtain open no less! He just stared at me. He had a bubble beard and he just watched me pee through weird bubble glasses. I couldn’t leave, I was peeing for godsakes, but as he watched me he stroked his bubble beard and asked me if I noticed anything different about him. When I said no, he took off his bubble glasses, sighed and went under the surface. At that point I just had to leave,” said King.
At this point it is unclear if the couple will be able move past the issue and return to their normal sexually-questionable friendship.

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