CAMPUS NEWS

College Haunted House Just a Roomful of Student Loan Receipts

SAINT PETER — Reports are beginning to surface suggesting that the annual Norelius Halloween Haunted House event will simply feature one room filled with a menacing pile of student loan bills. A far cry from the event’s typical structure, which features CFs desperately trying to exact revenge on annoying and problematic residents, this year’s event will highlight the realistic terror that accumulating $50,000 worth of debt instills in an exploited generation of optimistic students.

“We’re really trying to appeal to legitimate sources of fear,” said junior event coordinator Hanna Taylor. “Some of us kicked around ideas like just having a room full of scales and mirrors or a bunch of TVs playing Nic Cage movies in different languages, but I’m happy with what we settled on.”

Focus groups displayed powerful reactions to the event, with the majority of students leaving the room with bowed heads and sullen expressions. A few students were observed shaking their heads and quietly questioning their college decision.

“Is this even worth it?” questioned defeated looking first-year Riley Sandberge. “I like it here but my friends at other schools are going to be in a fraction of the debt I will. I couldn’t stop thinking about that fact when I was in that room,” added Sandberge, who left the room after 64 emotional seconds.

The haunted house did seem to underperform among students from other institutions. “Why is there a bunch of bills on the ground? Someone should probably recycle all that paper. I thought you guys were green here,” said fifth year Mankato State student Ricky Morris. Morris was later observed burying himself in the large pile of bills before jumping out and scaring Gustavus students, who were seemingly horrified to see a man in an MSU sweatshirt emerge, laughing, from a pile of their own educational expenses.

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