Stolen Human Organs 70% Off on Black Market Friday

DALLAS, TX— Announcing huge discounts on various internal organs, black market vendors slashed prices on kidneys, spleens, and livers early on Friday morning to celebrate Black Market Friday. Kicking off the holiday season with “some of the lowest legal prices on illegal body parts,” local human traffickers and organ thieves have announced that organs needed for life-saving transplants will be 70% off on the Friday after Thanksgiving.

Black Market FridayA single human kidney is generally $262,000 in the United States black market; however, on this day they will be going for as little as $78,600. The decision to mark down human organs has been a controversial one, with many saying that the unbeatable deals draw those in need of new organs away from their families during the Thanksgiving holiday. Similar to their retail counterparts, those working in the black market industry are less than enthused about the busy day. “I was hoping to meet my girlfriend’s family today, but now I’m scheduled for a 10 hour shift of harvesting body parts in dingy, poorly-lit basements. It’s a real bummer, this holiday is supposed to be about family.” said an anonymous gang member.

Others are thrilled about the deals. “When I found out I needed a new kidney, I was worried I’d be putting myself and my children into debt because of transplant costs. Now, I’m only going to be reducing myself to poverty for the rest of my life,” stated Marylou Prichard, a dialysis patient at Texas Health Presbyterian Hospital. Human traffickers said the discount on organs will begin at 3am on Friday, and last until 12am Saturday. However, they are saying that if you can find their hidden darknet website, there is a “buy one cornea, get one free” deal going on for Cyber Monday.

While the economic impacts of these sales is a topic of fierce debate, many commentators have argued this addition they are only a minor increase in the holiday’s traditional assault on the value of human life.

Categories: OFF THE HILL

Tagged as: