ST. PAUL, MNㅡ Following a request for clarification from his girlfriend on which coworker was going to attend their dinner party, St. Paul resident and advocate for political correctness Tim Arden spent the better part of a half hour describing Andrew Washington, who is black. Arden allegedly spent at least 5 of the 20 minutes stammering, saying “you know… Andrew?” and wiping sweat from his brow. Using reference points such as “wider nose” and “really dark, curly hair,” Arden succeeded in both confusing his girlfriend and not relying on race as his friend’s only remarkable feature.

His girlfriend noted her frustration at his vagueness, but ultimately was proud of her partner for his effort to end white privilege. She mentioned that the final descriptor that worked for her was “He’s the one that looks kind of like Drake, if Drake was skinnier, taller, and wore thick glasses.” After describing Washington, Arden reportedly went into the kitchen to grab a beer to “calm his nerves”. Washington was unavailable for comment.