J-Term Relationship Founded on Principles of Communication, Trust, and Mutual Boredom

SAINT PETER, MN⎼ After meeting through mutual friends at the Trap during fall finals week and several weeks of “talking, but like, just talking”, Gustavus sophomores Leah Green and Thomas Ahlquist have tentatively stepped into a romantic partnership.

“I mean, Christ. What else is there to do? I’ve watched Parks and Rec on Netflix like three times all the way through already.” stated Ahlquist. Green echoed this statement, adding that she’s “really missing Wine Wednesday with the roomie.”

Sources close to the two have described this development as “kind of weird”, “maybe a little forced”, and “probably none of my business, but gross”. As for Green and Ahlquist themselves, they remain vaguely optimistic about the prospects of their coupling.

“He showers most of the time, and I can tolerate talking to him. Plus, we both live in Rundstrom, so it’s not like I have to go outside in this bullshit weather to see him.” said Green. Ahlquist followed Green’s statement by mentioning that “her roommate’s abroad for Spring semester, so I really think we can make this work.”