WASHINGTON, D.C.— Emotionally insisting that they missed how things used to be, tearful Republican Party officials told reporters late on Wednesday that they yearned for a return to the good old days of an insane man conversing with an empty chair. The GOP elite stated that a senile old man addressing a piece of furniture would be a welcome change of pace to the current array of Republican presidential candidates.

“Compared to Donald Trump calling Ted Cruz a ‘pussy’ or Ben Carson explaining that the Pyramids were used for grain storage, it would really be nice to hear a man who has no grounding in reality stand up in front of a crowd and carry on a conversation with a low-backed piece of furniture, just like in the golden years of the GOP,” said RNC Chairman Reince Priebus.

 
With the primary season officially underway and Trump taking a commanding lead in the polls, Priebus went on to explain that, “Lecturing an inanimate object is vastly preferable to our current situation.”

GOP elite were adamant that this situation would be much more reasonable and measured than the current GOP state of affairs.