SAINT PETER— With the launch of the Gustavus Her Campus chapter, campus meninists have decided to adopt an online version of Him Campus over the less-popular sidewalk chalk medium. The group was outraged over the growing lack of opportunities to promote advocacy for the gross injustices white, straight, and privileged men face on a daily basis.

With misdirected anger and low self-esteem pouring from his fingertips, head of the Gustavus Meninists Donald Wayne announced via Facebook, “I think it is preposterous bullshit that women on campus have something I don’t and my feelings are kinda hurt because I’m not included. It’s about time men are given a voice on this campus #yesallmen.”

Along with weekly fedora giveaways, readers can expect to see the following headlines once Him Campus launches:  

“87 ways to instagram your Brony collection”

“How to Find Your Zen in Your GWS Class”

“7 Ways to Overcome the Friendzone”

“What Concealer Can Best Mask Your Privilege?”

“Summer Job Ideas to Beat the Mythical Wage Gap Blues”

Wayne is hoping the launch of a Him Campus chapter will break the glass ceiling preventing his fragile masculinity and hurt feelings from being repaired. Wayne finds that inspiration comes to him easily as he lives under the crushing weight of the matriarchy where women are continually bothering him with their century-long unsolved and ignored problems. He hopes Him Campus will empower other men to use their voice and ultimately showcase that “women belong in the kitchen, not the Newsroom.”