Senior Planning on Cramming All His Job Applications Into Night before Graduation

SAINT PETER— Calmly waving his arms and insisting that “I’ve got like four more weeks to get that shit done,” Senior Ray Anderson told reporters he plans on finishing all of his job applications the night before graduation. Anderson, who has yet to begin searching for any jobs related to his Management major, confidently reported that he plans on putting off applying for jobs and will pull an all-nighter right before he graduates to finish that up.

“Yeah, should be no big deal, I’ve done this a million times for class and that always worked out,” Anderson commented. “It’s essentially just like a Moodle assignment, right? If it really comes down to the wire I’ll just email the company saying my computer crashed and I couldn’t turn the application in. That never fails to buy me some time!”

Anderson, unfazed as he enters the last month of classes, plans on waiting until the last minute to begin the process of job-searching. “Maybe I’ll swing by Career Services on the last day of finals and see what they’ve got for me. They have all the jobs on a list and I just pick one, right?” Anderson also confirmed that he will be stocking up on numerous Five-Hour Energy shots so he can get started on his resume the night before commencement.

As of press time, Anderson was also supremely confident in his ability to find, visit, and apply for an apartment in Minneapolis around 2:00am the night before he receives his diploma.

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