CAMPUS NEWS

Student Orgs Band Together to Celebrate Jesus Christ The Black Diabetic Frat Boy Who Hates Fossil Fuels

SAINT PETER, MN— This week, thirty different student organizations have simultaneously scheduled events to celebrate the late Jesus Christ.The loosely related groups have agreed to come together to celebrate the figure that ties them all together, renowned black diabetic fraternity member and climate change activist Jesus Christ. The organizations are each honoring Christ in a fashion unique to them, through inter-Christian groups’ Jesus Week, Diversity Leadership Council’s Diversity Week, Epsilon Pi Alpha’s Diabetes Week, Inter-Greek Senate’s Greek Week, and the Mayday conference on fossil fuel divestment.

Christ was adopted by parents who were eco-terrorists and found out his birth mother was from a wealthy oil family and father ‘ran off to the clouds.’ This troubled relationship with his birth parents lead him to a life of environmental activism that continued his entire life and would eventually lead to his creation of both Divest Gustavus and the Gustavus Greens.

Upon attending Gustavus Christ decided to pledge a fraternity, Eta Xi Omega. During his fraternity’s hectic hazing process, Christ had to be admitted to the hospital after passing out and was soon after diagnosed with Type One Diabetes. Despite this challenge Christ persevered and made it through the pledge. Christ, who was described as a “total bro” by fellow fraternity member Chad Ryan, would go on during his Junior year to become the first Black president of his fraternity and changed their philanthropy to Diabetes research.

During his time at Gustavus, Christ was also known for his elaborate party tricks such as ‘Water to Wine’, which eventually lead to him being banned from sporting events after he turned an opposing team’s water jug into wine. Christ was also single-handedly able to raise hundreds of dollars of pure profit for his fraternity when he able to turn one basket of fish and chips into hundreds at a Patrick’s fundraiser.

In the words of Former President of Gustavus Jack Ohle, “Christ is someone who really made his life count.”  Christ went on to graduate as magna cum laude of his class and the school renamed Chapel to Christ Chapel after him shortly after he graduated. Gustavus students now celebrate Jesus’s time at Gustavus through the annual Greek Jesus’s Diabetic Divestment in Diversity Week.

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Categories: CAMPUS NEWS