SAINT PETER— After being rejected by three different companies for summer positions, junior Eric Jenkins has come to face the appalling conclusion that being a part of the Three Crowns Curriculum doesn’t actually matter in the real world. Jenkins has reportedly been grappling with this realization after receiving notification from several employers that classes like “Biblical Tradition” and “The Natural World” contribute virtually nothing special to his resume.

“I’m shocked,” Jenkins stated. “Having an intensely heavy class load and rigorous course work sets us 3C Scholars apart at Gustavus, though it definitely isn’t an honors society. I just assumed the rest of the world knows how different our degree will be too.” Jenkins was forced to reconcile with the harsh truth that taking classes with a common cohort of students is actually not that useful on a job application after receiving a rejection letter from Kwik Trip.

When asked for comment, Three Crowns Program Director Ellen Lien Kobb replied, “The Three Crowns curriculum is a unique and special way to fulfill your liberal arts requirement, and it in no way guarantees you a job position post-graduation. We want that to be very clear.”