CAMPUS NEWS

“Edgy” Three Crowns Curriculum Student Thinks Trump’s Twitter Has “Valid Points”

SAINT PETER, MN — Following the most lethal mass shooting in US history early Sunday morning at a gay nightclub in Orlando, GOP presidential nominee Donald Trump sent out tweets in the past few days that many have condemned as racist, horrific and “Hitler-esque”. However, the widespread disgust caused by Trump’s tweets has done little to deter Three Crowns Curriculum junior Caleb Ross from repeatedly claiming that Trump’s Twitter often ” actually has some pretty valid points if you think about it.”

“Look, when the Don Don tweets something like ‘appreciate the congrats on being right…” he’s just thanking people for putting his campaign before the lives of like 50 gay people. You gotta think big picture here, guys!” explained Ross. “Donald Trump is probably the best conversationalist I’ve ever seen. Sure he has some views against the popular, but overall his ideological views aren’t that far out.”

Armed with knowledge from his “Individual and Society” course, Ross retweeted and reiterated Trump’s words to members of the liberal arts curriculum to create an atmosphere where healthy and open dialogue can flourish. “I’ve discussed my opinions with some of my non-Three Crowns Curriculum classmates, but I think that they just don’t fully comprehend the importance of discussion,” Ross detailed.

Demonstrating his full understanding of Aristotelian ethics, Ross discussed his thoughts on the role of Trump in society with the likes of Clinton, Obama, and O’Reilly, “Well I tweeted my thoughts regarding Trump and the Golden Mean of Society to Senator Clinton, President Obama, and Jon C. Reilly, but I haven’t heard back from them yet. Likely trying to remember their Bonhoeffian ethics, especially in the context of The Crucible. Elementary stuff, really.”

Ross believes that his “innate understanding” of Trump’s ideals stems from his Three Crowns Curriculum experiences. “I first learned about sub-counter-infraracism when I attended the play ‘Death of a Salesman’ at the Guthrie with the Three Crowns Curriculum last Fall.”

The Three Crowns Curriculum student continued, “Look, Ayn Rand promoted selfishness, and Trump is simply promoting straight white American selfishness. If that’s not an exemplary understanding of a Randian society, then we all may as well just give up!”

Ross then proceeded to pull out a signed copy of Bowling Alone by Robert Putnam and claimed that the majority of “this liberal campus” would probably not understand why Trump was on the right track because we “don’t have a thorough understanding of cultural capital.”

In his bi-weekly self-assigned blog reflections Ross wrote, “Yeah like 50 people died or something. Don’t tell me I don’t understand the size of that group. My Three Crowns Curriculum class is 49 people. That’s like everyone dead except me. I didn’t die. I’m alive because I understand counter-narrative importance in colonial Africa.”
When asked about Ross, fellow Three Crowns Curriculum Junior Anya Barnes responded, “Oh, God. Caleb is a piece of shit. We’re not all like that, I swear.”

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