SAINT PETER, MN — As athletes begin returning to campus for preseason camps, summer student residents began to recognize a distinct sense of excitement, anticipation and fear brewing in their stomachs. These summer residents have become accustomed to living in a recluse-like state, as the majority of their social interactions have been with equally socially deprived coworkers. With the return of the athletes next week, and the rest of the student body a couple weeks after, many have voiced their apprehensive concerns.  

“I’ve spent my whole summer in a musty lab. I don’t think I’m ready for the to be held responsible for any conversations I have with a non-summer resident,” said junior biology major Kyle Grubner. “I bet they did things like go to the beach and see their families in the past couple months. I can’t imagine what it would be like to talk to someone who has experienced such luxuries.”

Grubner is perhaps one of the luckier summer residents, as his mind has not been reduced to a sub-social state following months of boredom. Unfortunately, the same cannot be said for senior psychology major Thomas Knight, who worked the Lund information desk for up to 60 hours per week.

“Yeah, Tommy ain’t doin’ so good,” said senior chemistry major Carson DeNiro, Knight’s roommate. “He doesn’t say much anymore. He didn’t say much before this summer either, but now he hardly talks at all. He just kind of sits at our table and mumbles things like ‘the pool is closed today’ or ‘Lund information desk, this is Tyler’ over and over again. I have no idea who Tyler is. I think he thinks his name is Tyler. It’s tragic.”

During the past weekend, Res Life held a seminar designed to help ease summer residents back into a normal social routine. According to junior Collegiate Fellow Kylie Mason, it was a resounding failure.

“When we asked the residents if they were comfortable with the return of the entire student body, 100% of them responded with some form of negative response. Some simply said ‘no’ others broke down into tears, one kid just ran out of the room without a word. It’s going to be a rough transition.”