SAINT PETER, MN – This Monday marks the beginning of National Hazing Prevention Week. During this week many events planned, such as the “Kick Out Hazing” kickball game, are meant to raise awareness of hazing and how students can prevent it. On a completely unrelated note, a plethora of Greek recruitment events, starting with the All Greek Carnival, will also commence. The Carnival will have fun Greek themed activities like keg stands, projectile vomiting, and clothing stands sponsored by Polo, Lululemon and Love Your Melon.

Campus Activities Board Assistant Director and Red Alumni James Price claims that “It was totally happenstance that the events lined up. Greek Life at Gustavus absolutely would never haze. That’s why we’re encouraging people to pledge; to stop hazing!” Price continued “We even renamed the process ‘New Member Education Period’ instead of ‘Pledge’, because everyone knows ‘Pledge’ is a scary word, just like how we call our Resident Advisers at Gustavus Collegiate Fellows! It’s the same thing!”

“Here at Gustavus we’re serious about preventing hazing. That’s why we have our Greeters, who during orientation hold a position of power over first year students, pressure the students into revealing their struggles and secrets to people they’ve never met before after being numbered off into groups.” said Price, describing the Greeter program. “They are also asked to memorize facts about each other in pursuit of getting to know each other. Later during orientation we tell them they have to go to Square Dance in atypical clothes that make them look the same. It’s not hazing, it’s good college fun. It’s all explained in our simple hazing guide.”

The Campus Activities Board and Inter Greek Senate are excited for this week’s activities and want to remind everyone that Gustavus prides itself on it’s strict adherence to hazing prevention at the institution, obviously best exemplified by holding a mandatory event to promote an institutionalized ideal.