CAMPUS NEWS

Student Achieves Economic Balance by Attending $60,000 School

SAINT PETER, MN — Despite months of questioning his financial decision to attend Gustavus, first-year Joey McBriar was finally able to come to terms with spending nearly $60,000 a year on his education after attending the 52nd Nobel Conference.

Sources close to McBriar have confirmed that the 18 year-old now believes that he needs to allocate an incredible portion of both his bank loans and parents’ income to help him achieve true economic balance. “Look, everything I have learned at this institution has led me to believe that it is downright ridiculous for me not to spend $60,000 a year on my education. There are simply no other options,” said McBriar.

While the majority of research indicates that a college education is still ultimately worth the rising cost, many economists have speculated that a degree probably should not cost more than a Land Rover, or slightly less than a Wall Street broker’s typical Friday night.

“I know that the skills I’ll learn and the connections I make at Gustavus will likely be valued above or around how much it costs for me to attend this school. But, holy shit, this place costs a lot,” said McBriar. “I just checked my student account balance the other day and I literally cried in a bathroom stall for an hour.”

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