Gustavus Student Ambassadors Sent to Syria in Attempt to Broker a Peace Deal

ALEPPO- In light of a failed peace negotiation between the United States and Russia, the United Nations is now debating what tactics will prove most successful to bring an end to brutal fighting and terrorism in the Middle East.

One such negotiation is sending aptly trained student ambassadors to the region. Oolof Skoog, the current representative of Sweden in the United Nations was a deciding factor in this initiative. “If someone can make Syrian lives count, I’m sure as hell our student ambassadors can handle it. They have had an hours worth of strategic communication training and I’ll be the first to say that if they can swindle money and support out of alumni- why can’t they do the same for the rest of the world?”

Student ambassador Morgan Johanson is among the first group of students who will be sent at the end of this week. Johanson said, “we typically use a google spreadsheet to sign up for events and I decided to take a peek on a whim to see what events were available. I saw ‘Aleppo Peace Negotiation’ and I thought why the fuck not, right? At the very least this will be like an affordable study abroad program.”

Fellow student ambassador and political science major, Matt Robins expressed excitement over the neat networking opportunity this would provide him. “I’m so pleased that I will finally be able to use the skills I learned in the classroom in a real life situation. It reminds me of the internet simulations we did in my international relations class!”

Among discussions of proper dress code, the student ambassadors have decided to keep the motto “Gustie Rouser cries over war cries” in mind as they negotiate with Syrian Rebels, the UN, and  generous alumni donors.

Secretary of state, John Kerry, was unavailable for comment.

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